‘You me Bum Bum Bum Train’ is the wildest theatre experience of all time. Despite being feted by everyone from Stephen Fry to The Times it remains one of the most secretive shows in the world. Joe Coles met up with its creators Kate Bond and Morgan Lloyd to try and find out what the hell it actually is.

Joe Coles: Explain the concept of You Me Bum Bum Train in a way that an idiot who has a very short attention span and no understanding of anything could understand.
Kate and Morgan: We would not say anything to that idiot other than do not research into Bum Bum Train, just try and get a ticket. The less you know about the show the better if you are going to experience it. If that person then said tell us anyway we would say Bum Bum Train is a bit of fun. You get to have a go at doing things you might not have done before, or do in your lifetime, like defrosting a fridge freezer, or re-heeling some stilettos. In lots of cases you may re-discover yourself.

JC: Is there a sexual side to the experience?
K&M: Only if you're attractive.

JC: Does it scare the be-jesus out of shy people?
K&M: No it doesn't, in fact shy people often get more out of it. Nobody should be scared of Bum Bum Train. Once you have done it you will be pleased you did.

JC: The Bum Bum Train organisation has a reputation of being something of a cult, have you any plans to develop it into a real cult?
K&M: People have left their paid work in the past in order to volunteer full time, the new community that's formed for each show makes it a great thing to be a part of. The freedom for people to be there if they choose, makes the dynamic positive and fun for everyone. Volunteers do have to cut off all contact with their families when signing up though.

JC: What would you do with a limitless budget?
K&M: Do a really basic set and syphon off the rest of the money, invest it on the stock market through some contacts in the city, sell at the right time so we can start buying up inner city properties, sit on them, apply for planning permission to increase value then and sell them on before there's a dip in the housing market. Then we can buy up more properties after the dip and develop those, then we'll celebrate with a McDonalds.

JC: Having been on the Bum Bum Train, I know what an incredible experience it is. To me, it is a perfect thing, like a dream. Why is almost all other theatre and art so desperately boring?
K&M: That's very kind and brown-nosey of you to say. We're flattered but we think less of you for saying so.

JC: Would you organise my wedding please?
K&M: Only if you don't mind the Sonic the Hedgehog theme.

JC: There seems an ideology behind the unorthodox way the BBT is run - is this true, and if so what is it?
K&M: There has been so far but it'll probably fade as we get older and our mortality makes us want to pack it in. The idea of owning an allotment gets more and more appealing. It feels meaningful to produce something big with people who choose to be a part of it, no one is there because they're paid to be which reminds you of what it was like to be a kid building a den with your mates. Because of this approach, it feels special and dreamlike to be a part of.

JC: Do you find yourself having to use pretentious artsy language to communicate what you do - or do you see this kind of language in reviews of your shows?
K&M: We'd love to but we don't have the vocabulary. But we do like to copy and paste pretentious language and pass it off as our own.

JC: What would your ideal day consist of?
K&M: Ooh ideal day, that would have to be a nice cuppa with a friend or colleague at Pret followed by an easy going day at work with a nice packed lunch. No chores in the evening, a bit of Gogglebox and a really good night’s sleep and to not wake up in the night with a full bladder. Hate that.
or...

When I wake I would have a long debate with anyone that could be bothered about animal rights until I got hungry and tired. Then I would watch some comforting TV until it got too late to do anything else.

JC: You can have three wishes granted, what are they?
K&M: World peace, a nice big house with a garden, and no third wish thanks for asking. Oh, hang on... to have better teeth, and to be best friends with a bear, eagle, dolphin, whale and lion and for them to all be able to talk and we all have matching tattoos. Can that count as a third wish?

JC: Laters… Oh, do you have Felix Barrett's (Punchdrunk’s founder) email address? Better still, number?
K&M: That's below the belt. And it's staying there!

You, Me Bum Bum Train
September - October 2015
at a secret location (Central London).
Tickets go on sale at 6.30pm on Sunday 21st of June.
Tickets: £48.50 (including booking fee and VAT) bumbumtrain.com/tickets
Want to get involved? Click here! bumbumtrain.com/signup
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