As press stunts go, setting up a hotel in the style of Alcatraz ahead of J J Abram's new drama series about the notorious prison is a bit of genius-especially given the current trend for the 'non-hotel', with experiences like 'A room for London' selling out months in advance. But on my way to stay at 'the toughest hotel in London', I can't help but wish that I'd been invited along to a Caribbean island retreat ahead of J J Abram's last success story, Lost instead...

Arriving at the location just around the corner from King's Cross, I'm met by a guard,accompanied by a trained Alsatian, and shown inside the door where I sign away my rights ahead of entering the Alcatraz experience. I agree to follow the rules, not to take in contraband substances and to obey the guards, before one of them blows a whistle and I'm escorted through the main door. I'm informed that inside, I speak when I'm spoken to and not otherwise. In case its not already painfully clear-this is a sub-dom's DREAM. I'm almost instantly scolded for not addressing the guard who admits me as 'Sir'.

'You will address the guards at Alcatraz as 'Sir' at all times' he says.

Whilst I have the other guards in giggles a couple of times-this one does not break character. I have my mugshot taken and hand over all my personal possessions- we're told we might get something back later for 'good behaviour'. I'm escorted to the toilets where I'm given three minutes to change into my prison issue uniform.I'm glad there is no communal changing as I fear the current state of my unshaved legs etc is rather too 'prison authentic' for public display.

I'm show to my cell. It's small.Very small-there's barely room to stand up next to the bed.The walls are damp and peeling, and there's a puddle of some unidentifiable liquid at the far end of the cell.The toilet and sink aren't working,but have certainly been mocked up to look pretty filthy. The bed itself is unmade, with sheets, a pillow and course blankets folded at the head. All we're given in the cells is some literature on the show, the original inmate rules from Alcatraz and the menu for dinner. Burgers, BBQ ribs, chicken wings and chips- this seems decidedly out of character for the establishment, but one of the guards explains to us that at Alcatraz they believed feeding the prisoners well stopped them rioting. Maybe it was that-or maybe it was down to one of the other precautions they used to take- the same guard also explained how there were gas cylinders installed and snipers on duty ordered to fire at them in the case of riots, gassing the prisoners. When we're shown into our cells we're instructed to 'gather our thoughts'. Perhaps one of the biggest punishments, or arguably luxuries, of being in prison has to be the time you get to reflect. Our generation is gradually destroying our attention span- so that left alone in a prison cell without a laptop,my phone,a book or anything, my fingers are itching within minutes. Luckily, we're given tasks to do, as they were in Alcatraz - knitting! Model making with lego!Prison is totes fun!

Dinner is served on authentic metal trays with Alcatraz stamped on them.I hear the guard collect my neighbouring inmate's tray:

'Why didn't you eat your chips, prisoner number 2?'

'They were cold.Sir.'

It's very hard not to laugh.

After dinner the pilot episode of the TV show is shown-we're still in our cells so have to peer through the bars, but we're given hot popcorn which is nice. The show itself is textbook JJ Abrams. The plot for the show- summarised below- isn't that original; we've had prison dramas, we've had cop dramas, we've had the supernatural -but this combines all those genres. If you like Lost, you'll like it, not least because it stars Hurley from Lost playing, basically Hurley from Lost. It also stars Sam Neil who I had an incredibly Freudian crush on when I first saw Jurassic Park as a kid. As with most bastard men, he seems only to get better with age. If you liked the movie The Rock and are generally interested in Alcatraz itself, then you'll like it. Most of all, if you liked the series 'The 4400' which I don't think ever made it to the UK, then you'll love this. I'm not a huge JJ Abrams fan- I adored the first season of Lost, when it all still seemed to be going somewhere- but I've never forgiven him for pretty much fucking it up after that. This show definitely has potential, but I feel a bit sorry for Abrams in that he's obviously been ushered down a more and more commercial route, so rather than ending up writing something really brilliant with the likes of HBO, instead he's writing stuff that has 'guaranteed hit series' written all over it. Is this really such a bad thing? Of course not, but the writing isn't exactly sophisticated, and it's about as subtle as my prison cell. There were 3 'twists' or revelations that I saw coming in the pilot- and all were revealed by the end of the episode. I thought they might stretch out at least the question of main girly cop's heritage for one season. There were other elements that left me a bit disbelieving- forget time-travel/alien abduction or whatever the main explanation turns out to be, how about the fact that Hurley from Lost managed to get promoted from comic book writer/Alcatraz nerd to an FBI agent's official partner in the space of one episode? Perhaps they are short staffed these days.

Anyway, I don't want to give away any spoilers, so here's the trailer and a plot synopsis- and of course details on how to book your own stay at The Alcatraz hotel (scroll down for details). You can see the show on Watch at 9pm tonight!

Alcatraz, is a chilling new thriller centred on America’s most infamous prison. Executively produced by award winning J.J. Abrams, (Lost, Fringe, Star Trek, Super 8 and Cloverfield) the show starts on Watch from 13th March at 9pm.

  With an all-star cast, including Lost favourite Jorge Garcia, Sam Neill (Jurassic Park) and UK actress Parminder Nagra (ER, Bend It Like Beckham), Alcatraz maintains JJ Abrams’s flair for creating mystery and intrigue, with strong characters and gripping plots lines.

  When San Francisco Police Department detective Rebecca Madsen (Sarah Jones, Big Love) is assigned to a grisly homicide case, a fingerprint leads her to a shocking suspect: Jack Sylvane (guest star Jeffrey Pierce), an Alcatraz inmate who died over 30 years ago. Given her family history – both her grandfather and surrogate uncle, were involved with the prison – Madsen’s interest is immediately piqued, and once the enigmatic, knows-everything-but-tells-nothing government agent Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill) tries to impede her investigation, she becomes doggedly committed.   Madsen turns to Alcatraz expert and comic book enthusiast Dr. Diego "Doc" Soto (Jorge Garcia) to piece together the inexplicable sequence of events. The two discover that Sylvane is not only alive, but he's loose on the streets of San Francisco, exacting decades-old revenge and leaving bodies in his wake. And, strangely, he hasn't aged a day since 1963 when Alcatraz was ruled by the iron-fisted Warden Edwin James and the sadistic Associate Warden E.B. Tiller.

  Madsen and Soto reluctantly team with Hauser and his technician, Lucy Banerjee, (Parminder Nagra) to stop Sylvane's vengeful killing spree. By delving into Alcatraz history, government cover-ups and Madsen's own heritage, the team will ultimately discover that Sylvane is only a small part of a much larger, more sinister present-day threat. While he may be the first to reappear from Alcatraz, it quickly becomes clear that Sylvane won't be the last.  

On Tuesday 13 March 2012, the doors will swing open on what has been billed as possibly London’s Toughest Hotel experience as “Hotel Alcatraz” arrives in Kings Cross, London.   

Watch has created the experience to enable fans of the show to get a better understanding of the lives of prisoners and to bring the show’s characters to life in present-day London.   The four room (or cell) residence has been modelled on San Francisco’s infamous Alcatraz prison – a faithful reproduction of the penitentiary during its heyday, before closure in 1963.   Members of the public can book an escape to Alcatraz from midday 13 March, through Late Rooms the discount hotels specialist here