(Above: Vulnerability by Zoe Catherine Kendall, ink on paper, 2009, www.self-series.blogspot.com)

My sex

An image of vulnerability in the graphic representation of female sexual organs. These are not meant as a representation of desire, but rather as a depiction of a feeling, perhaps what it means to be a woman.

Every woman must have a relationship to her vagina, biology demands it, but what about her psychological relationship towards it?

Sometimes I want to celebrate my womanhood, embrace carnal desire in all its intoxicating glory, dream of cock and masturbate. I hasten to add that these are not perverted activities, much less so then tying yourself up in the bondage of strict religious belief. (This is just an opinion; one that shouts out the righteousness of sexual freedom over that of an uptight, hypocritical 'puritan' approach. The body is pure, and the body is definitely something to belief in.)

In the same vane, I believe there is a strong relationship between our minds and our sexual organs, and that how we may be feeling psychologically may dictate our sexual urges and the form of our sexual play (that could be a whole other story...)

So here is something that I hope other women may be able to empathise with, and something I am feeling more and more as a single woman: men want to fuck (not exactly rocket science). This desire for intercourse is not necessarily a negative aspect of the male character, nor is it unique to them, women like having sex too, but I think as sexual creatures, we women behave quite differently – that perhaps being the key to the male-female dynamic. The detail that seems to me to differentiate the two is that where women would aspire to sex as part of something more, men might not know what more they want..

Scenario: if you meet a guy in a club and get talking with them, the first thing on your mind as a woman is not necessarily sex. I am sure it features there in some form, the guise of 'innocent' attraction poorly concealing the basic biological equation of man and woman (tall and short, dark and fair) but, and its a big but, sex might not be the first thing you want to do with this person, you might fancy them, flirt outrageously, snog your heart out, but does that mean you want to go to bed with them? Should it?

Okay so I have conflicting beliefs over feminism, I want to be respected as a woman, and I want to fuck casually too. Or do I? Here is the point of confusion, here lies the contradiction of womanhood (from my humble perspective). Yes we want to copulate, yes we want to play, but so too do we want to abstain, so too do we want wait until the sex becomes part of something more. I guess it depends on what you are looking for out of a date, but I think even a substantial proportion of men would agree that endless flings and meaningless fucks are not going to satisfy us in the long term, that there is something bigger for us to aspire to, a greater harmony between the male and female of the species, a more holistic hunger in need of satiation.

So this brings me to why an image of sexual organs might not represent desire, but rather vulnerability. As a woman you want to flirt with men (not all of them, only a select few), you want to get to know them and get a bit closer, but you feel your sexuality as a vulnerable link in the chain - should you fend off attempts to 'get closer' on the first date and act saintly in the form of a pay off? Or should you go with the flow, loose yourself in your body and succumb to the moment? Will the end result be that the man takes all the power? Do you feel as though your date is interested in you in more then just a sexual context, or are you being defined by this context? Are we girls pretending we want something casual because that's what seems more acceptable to men? Does it even matter?!

Well there is the conundrum, and I'm not even going to try to provide an answer except to say girls take control, guys lose the cheesy chat up lines and bad sex talk, and lets all loose ourselves in our bodies for a moment, and later pray for a more wholesome gratification.

Is it wrong to want to cuddle?

For more mental deviations visit my blog www.self-series.blogspot.com

(Above: My sex by Zoe Catherine Kendall, ink on paper, 2009)